11:24 PM

It's been months since I last blogged.  Yeah, I know...it's been a long while.  I guess the flurry of things that have been happening just overwhelmed me.  I know I was harping about my really cool new job and how much I loved it.  Well scrap all that.  I must really be running low on luck these days. 

Everything was fine until our trip to Hong Kong.  THat's when our department director's true colors really showed.  She was my room mate in China, too.  So how do I put this as properly as I can?  I HATE HER.  Absolutely, without any question. 

I'm not a person who easily hates.  Yes I'm irritable, specially when I'm tired, but I don't hate people easily.  I'm usually calm. So what did she do to earn my intense hatred?

1.  She's spreading rumors about me in the office.  I have this guy officemate who's a really good friend, and we often buy food together.  She started telling evrybody how I was flirting with the guy.  Actually, she's the one who likes the guy.  I even have the hunch that she's just spreading the rumors just to get back at me for being so friendly with the guy she likes.  She's married by the way, and my friend has a girlfriend.  So much for office romance right?

2.  She's intentionally magnifying my mistakes.  I made a mistake once in a draft I sent to her.  It was a DRAFT, and drafts are not supposed to be perfect.  She sent the draft to our SVP for no reason at all.  Except to show him how stupid I was I guess.  It was a very minor slip-up.  She dislikes the fact that the SVP favors me over her.  She makes up stories and debunks my research.  She's so damn lazy and I have to pick up after her all the time.

3. She doesn't work.  At all.  She always has a million excuses.  Always out on a break, too. And she complains because I take a long lunch break. Long by her standards?  I don't think so.  I use up the 1 hour break I'm alloted.  She disappears for four hours, returns at 4 PM (which is supposed to be the time I get off work) and expects me to do over time.  I do all the work for the entire division, and she still claims that I don't work well enough.  I'm working my ass off while she bums around and I'm still a bad employee?!

4.  She tortures me.  When we're together in China, I can hardly expect to get enough sleep for several days in a row.  She forces me to listen to her endless chatter, makes me call room service for stupid reasons, keeps me working till 3 AM in the morning!  That's why I'm always ill after a trip.  But I still go to work the next day after we fly home.  I'm a dedicated worker, despite all the bad feelings I already have.

Last friday was the last straw.  She made me do a study for our trip and then when I submitted it to her, she proclaimed my output useless, denying that it was what she wanted me to do.  She screamed at me in front of the entire section.  I stood still for a few minutes, staring at her.  It was crazy.  I think for one split second there I actually wanted to grab the cutter and slit her throat. 

I was seriously considering typing my resignation right there and then.  I wanted to slap it on her face and see her reaction.  I think I really should beat her up before I resign.  But common sense got the better of me, and I calmed myself down.  I swear that if I hadn't done that I really could have killed her.  I'm so not kidding. 

I don't think I've ever hated somebody that much.  The only reason she got to her position is because she's such a "Loyal" employee. And I don't mean that in a good way.  She's a total ass-kisser, and there's no way her credentials could have brought her to her position.  She hates me because I graduated Magna cum Laude and she's a college drop-out.

She's always telling me I have an attitude problem.  That I'm stubborn and that I have a tendency to go against authority.  That I always talk back and I'm disrespectful.  She even told me to know the line, because she's still my boss.  I'm never intentionally disrespectful.  I'm sick of her putting me down, of her treating me like dirt when I know that I can do her job better than she does. She's insecure, and it's my fault?  Our company favors LOYALTY OVER ABILITY.  Stupid workers who are committed to the job are worked to death, while suck-ups get all the credit.  Is that retarded, or what? 

I can't help the fact that I work really well, and that it overshadows her mediocre performance.  I'm sick of her trying to kick me out of the office.  She wants me out so she can cling to her stupid director job.  I don't care about positions.  I'm just glad to have a decent job.  Turns out I can't even have that.  I'm so tired of being her punching bag. Yes, she even hurts me physically, although she makes it seem like she's kidding.  She once pinched me hard for talking to the guy she liked.  She pinched me while telling me what a flirt I was. 

ANybody who knows me can tell that I'm no flirt.  I couldn't even look at PRince!  It's crazy.  I go bonkers when I like someone, but I don't have the slightest guts to flirt.  I even told the guy, and he was shocked.  We're seriously considering putting up a performance just to piss her off. 

The worst news is, I'm going to China with her next week.  I won't have any option but to follow her orders.  Or maybe I do.  If I really can't stand her anymore, I'll pick up my things and leave her in Shenzhen. Then, I'll take the Train to HK from Lowu and live with my aunt.  I don't care anymore.  I'm just so sick of her. 

So I guess that answers your question, CC... I'm not fine.  Pray for me if I ever lose control and break her neck.